Wednesday, 3 February 2016

2015, the year I got my shit together

...Into 2016 the year I seem to have lost it already, le sigh. Nah, I'm just trying to settle back into routine and stop thinking about graduation and the pressure I'm putting on myself to get a 1st... so aside from the stereotypical 3rd year panicking about "what next?!" I've got my shit together, sort of.
March, 2015, Mother's Day
This is take two writing this post, lets hope it doesn't take as many re-writes as last years. I feel a bit better after just checking 2014's recap, when I wasn't so happy. Actually, imma be honest here, I was fucking suicidal, considering dropping out of uni, and not really getting out of bed much. Fast forward a year, in which I started taking anti-depressants so maybe they have something to do with the improvement in my outlook on life. This morning in a genomics in molecular medicine lecture we were talking about polygenic diseases, and turns out our "outlook on life" is at least, if not more 50% due to our genetics. Then there's also how trauma affects the DNA and how this can be passed on to a child of a parents suffering trauma... I thought it was interesting, but off the point. This year I am not suicidal.


A real moment
I feel like I've been too busy to think about anything too much since this time last year. I had my head down studying from Jan until I finished exams, after which I had a week at home with my parents before I flew to France for my two month work placement. Which I could never have handled the year before! Though my living situation there wasn't the best, the lab and people I met there were amazing. And it boosted my confidence and interest in research, so when I started third year it was nose to the grinder immediately (is that the right saying?). While I was in France I squeezed in a long weekend to stay at Kerri's, who since then has been an amazing, trusted, best friend of mine. Thanks for putting up with my long ass ranty emails (and sorry your Christmas present is still in the suitcase I haven't unpacked yet...).
 Turning 20
 One morning in France
One day in Belgium
Max, my housemate/friend, turned housemate/BFF, turned housemate/boyfriend, came out to France for my last few days there, ya know, as boyfriends do *smugface*. My best memory from that is sitting in deck chairs in the sun with sangira watching a mechanical dragon breathe fire by La Loire. We then had a day at my parents', a day at his fams', then I went to Ireland, then home, then back here to Portsmouth again. Since then I've been so busy, and have clearly hardly blogged! I've been swept up and buried in my work, which I love, but I already feel disappointed in myself for not getting a 1st, like I've only just started the second term, and fuck it - grades aren't the be-all, end-all. I'll settle for a 2:1. So I'm going to try and do something good for myself, some simple self care every day.

This was the first year I've been looking back and NOT hoping next year will be better. I actually felt content so NYE felt like even less of an event than it usually does to me. And now, one month into 2016, I am missing 2015 and have a feeling this is gonna be a hard year. But I have my 21st and graduation to look forward to!

I wish you all the best for the rest of 2016!

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