Friday, 17 April 2015

MH || upping the dosage

I went to the doctor for a check up appointment yesterday, almost four weeks after starting sertraline for depression. I told him about how fun the side effects were (if you like not being able to stand up without falling down again or forgetting what you needed when you go upstairs) and that they've made me feel pretty flat and have some extreme downs. I haven't felt myself which has been not nice. I miss how passionate I usually am about errrything. That's all just gone to dust now! 
He decided to up the dosage from 50mg to 100mg *gulps* because I wasn't seeing any positives from it yet so hopefully this will change something. He did say the fun side effects might come back oh goody I can't wait...

FYI the actual 100mg pills are twice the size of the cute and tiny 50mg pills (yes I just called an anti-depressant pill cute and what?!) does anyone know if they get eeeven bigger when you go up to 150mg?? 'Cos the Dr already told me we will probably want to up it again at some point *more sarcastic enthusiasm*. I really don't want all my energy drained again I have waaayy too much work to be getting on with for that!

In other news I joined a bloggers support group on facebook for invisible illnesses! Which is amazing and I have already had great advice from them *hugs for yous*. Have you any experience with anti-depressants? Or side effects from any medication really!? I haven't before now, that I can remember anyway. Let me know if you...think these posts are good? I can't really say enjoy can I? Is that weird? Do you enjoy me writing about my illness? Ahah well hopefully someone will find interest or comfort in it! Lots of love xo


  1. Oh jeez they sound like horrible side effects! Not sure I understand upping the dosage because you've been having a bad time...seems counterproductive to me 😂. I'm also in the invisible illnesses group on Facebook, just haven't been brave enough to speak up yet. Hope you start to see some improvement soon and hugs in the meantime!
    Much Love
    AJ xx

  2. We're upping the dosage so we see more of a positive effect, it's supposed to lift my mood a bit but it hasn't yet, hopefully 100 mg will work! :) oh hello then! :D nice to get to know bloggers in the group :) thank you sweet :') xo

  3. Oh dear - the side effects of anti-depressants are never good <3 I had to go through a few different types before finding the one that suited me best (Citalopram, if you're interested - don't be afraid of asking your Dr to try another kind, there isn't a one size fits all when it comes to them, different brands have different fillers and chemicals in, and branded products vary to the non-branded ones, too) but I found that I experienced side effects on them all. The worst were the bad thoughts, bad sleep and nausea, others just made me feel a bit dizzy. I hope it gets better for you, sometimes your body needs to build up a resistance of the chemical and then it gets better.
    But good for you for talking about it! <3

    Uncia + Tigris

  4. I don't know anything about medication, I've never tried. I do think it's good to try though, and to give it your best shot and if it's not for you then it's not, but I like the idea of being sure something isn't for me.
    The upping the dosage does sound a little counterproductive but I guess the doc wants to outweigh the bad with the good effects.

    For me, I always thought meds would work well with therapy, I always had the idea that meds would take some of the edge off and allow you to talk about things without dropping back into a depression for mentioning or talking about stuff in the first place. But that's just what I think.

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about your depression. I haven't had depression myself, but I've had to care for family members of mine who have. I myself have onset anxiety disorder. It's like depression except you get panic attacks. I just want you to know you are not alone. :)

  6. Hello hun,
    I hope you find a way to feel better, and in the meantime find the right medication. I'm sorry to hear that you are not well.
    I haven't had to face depression myself, but I have experience in panic attacks, and chronic pain leading to a loss of mobility. I believe I understand how hard it is to fight something you can't see, explain or get any sympathy for from most people. "You'll get over it", "Are you sure that's what is happening"- right?
    One thing I have to say is that doing things, getting results for that, and exercise, have helped me through a lot.
    Much love,
    Mathilde x

  7. Yeh my Dr said we might try others, still seeing how it's going :) side effects aren't so bad this time round I think it's working so we'll see! thank you for your lovely comment :) xo

  8. Yeh I'm glad I finally decided to try, I think it's starting to work. Side effects are wearing off a bit! :) yeh he wanted to increase it so we'd see positive effects. That's the best way to treat it, therapy plus medication. I had counselling last year and feel like I don't need it now :)

  9. Thanks for your sweet comment, and it takes a lot of understanding and patience to care for people with depression and such, I'm so grateful to all the support I have. Erggh panic attacks are horrible, I used to get them a lot and had such bad anxiety. That parts better now, although when I first started sertraline I had five panic attacks in a week! xo

  10. I get that it's hard for people to understand, some days I'm doing OK. I'm pretty good at dealing with it and getting on with stuff after a month or so of meds :) but people never think to offer help or check how you're doing which is not great :( that does sound rough :( I used to have panic attacks too and apart from a few thanks to the side effects I don't suffer them any more. For me what helped what accepting them, instead of being afraid :) xo

  11. Hello Amber!
    The first few panic attacks were scary. But since I've realised that they are a welcome, relatively harmless at the end of the day, wake up call. A "what are you doing to yourself" shake up.
    I don't believe we need to accept them. Life can be lived without.
    Now finding out how may be the work of a lifetime, but every step we take towards making life better for ourselves and others is an improvement.

    I hope it doesn't sound harsh because it's what I've told myself and it is helping me:

    Don't ever let yourself be a victim. Look at the words you use when you speak about yourself, and think about how you can go from passive or victimised to active and purposeful.

    Others & ourselves are self-absorbed by nature. If you think about it this way it's not even strange for others to not check how we are doing, or realise that our struggles haven't magicked away somehow.

    Much love,

    Mathilde x

  12. Not harsh at all don't worry, I welcome discussion here! :) guess I didn't make it clear in my comment though because accepting the panic attacks and accepting that they weren't that bad or embarrassing was the start of my recovery, now I don't have them anymore (apart from a few from medication side effects)! Different things work for different people, that way just worked for me :) and oh yes I know that too, it's not strange but then it still is. I don't think it's as hard to not be self absorbed as people think, I don't believe everyone is either :)

  13. I'm really glad you are doing well :) Congratulations!
    You are totally right we each have our own ways of coping.
    Apologies actually I think self absorbed is the word to have used. I meant that by nature we have to see and think things through our own perspective. So, we think of ourselves in every situation, even if we empathise with others.

  14. Thank you :D I hope you are feeling better too? I think I understand better now, it's natural and it's science how we are selfish. Have you heard of Richard Dawkin's book The Selfish Gene? Which is literally about how genes just want to replicate in the best way and for as long as possible and that's why us and other species are how we are. I find science a great reassurance when I'm feeling bad! :) xoxo

  15. Hi Amber!
    I hadn't heard of this book before but will definitely check it out :D Same for me, science tends to have a soothing effect.
    In all honesty, I'm mostly better nowadays, except for the fact that I have some health issues that nag me and can sometimes drag me down.
    The issue is they are chronic pains which reduce my mobility: walking can be difficult sometimes, or at the moment its my hands so typing and writing is hard & painful. I seem to have cumulated a few common-ish conditions which are difficult to treat and then turned them up a level in terms of severity, and it gets to me. It's easy to ask yourself "why me?" and to wallow in self pity which is not useful.
    I'm having surgeries on my hands to help with that and then it's just going to be the walking, but even after the next surgery it takes up to 8 months to have full dexterity and strength back in the hands, so it's a constraint.
    I'm doing ok by trying to remember that it's temporary on the stuff that can be cured, and the rest is controllable.
    I'm around anytime if you feel like chatting :) I genuinely believe that life can be wonderful, and I want to make the most of it. We should definitely connect on Twitter !
    Much love xxx

  16. It's a good read, he's a bit arrogant about what he thinks is right, but yeh good book anyway! That sounds sucky :( yes totally, and it's easy to just think that we deserve it but I just keep reminding myself it has nothing to do with that, it's luck of the draw, how we were born I guess. Good luck with your surgery! Let me know how it all goes :) we deffo should, same to you too, I'm around to chat if you ever want to! My twitter is at @AmberLove146, if you click my twitter icon it should take you straight to my twitter :) what's yours? xo

  17. Thank you!
    I've added you previously :) My twitter is : @CloudedDotted