WARNING: If you have no sense of humour and take yourself too seriously I suggest you leave now.
1. Be really really fake.
Have no confidence in your own personality and writing so change everything about them. Maybe even copy another blogger 'cos you think they're super awesome. This will make you sound like a clone of everyone else which is just what you want, right?
2. Take photos that have no meaning or enjoyment to them.
Every blog post has to have a photo in it, relevant to the content or not. You MUST take a gazzilion trillion billion photos for each blog post then choose one. If you don't manage this you should feel terrible about yourself and your blog sucks.
3. Forget about real life and do everything for the sake of blogging.
It's not worth wearing something cool if you're not gonna take a lot of photos (see number 2) and write about it. Also not worth going on spontaneous adventures unless you are going to blog about it. Never ever take a step back and enjoy real life just for the sake of enjoying life. Everything must be documented perfectly (again refer to number 2, and 1).
4. Take it very very seriously.
To be a successful blogger you have to stick to certain rules and quotas. You can't be too weird or sarky 'cos people don't like that. You must take serious outfit photos (for reference have a look at some of mine - here) and never smile. God forbid someone might think you enjoyed being in front of the camera.
I obviously stick to and am the perfect example of these rules. Obviously.
This post was inspired by Jessica's What's in a Blog? post, a less sarky and much more touching way of giving confidence back to bloggers. I had totally lost my confidence but Jess, you really inspired me to be myself! This post is my version of reminding bloggers that you can do what you want, do what pleases you, write with your own voice, love yourself a little more, take photos because you love it not because you have to. Don't read "blogger tips" posts they'll only make you feel bad about your blog, they'll make you feel not good enough compared to the rest. Obviously I can't take anything seriously so had to write a sarcastic post, that's really what I do best ;)